Just one of those nights

Its been one of those nights again. Discussing money issues makes me feel so helpless. It always has and it probably always will. If only this country wasn’t so racist, if only we wouldn’t have to grin and bear all. A long list of if only’s that.

I regret quitting my job sometimes, at least I was bringing in more money than I am now, working part-time as I am. But then these might be the best single months of my life and seeing mum and abba every day makes up for all the freedom and independence and mall trawling I no longer have the time for.

I feel like such a nashukri for not appreciating the job I had. At least it was more than a receptionist at some five star hotel, a fate many of my classmates have accepted. So many of the people I studied with are still no where close to where I ended up so I really shouldn’t be complaining but that place was the worst atmosphere to be in day in and day out. All gloom and doom and miserliness and nitpicking.

I am always thankful for the kind of life I have had. The kind of strength and will power I have seen my parents exhibit, the way they have always fought to the top and given us everything even when it was well beyond their means. I have been taught all of that, the value of money and the fight that goes into the earning of it I know well. And it makes me who I am today. I wonder if that is something I will be able to pass on to my children. Not that I would ever wish them to fight for their sustenance but it is something everyone should learn in these uncertain times. When the titans fall who are we to live in our little bubbles believing all will always be well. Will they know what to do when khuda na khasta the bubble bursts around them in a second? I have seen children insensitive to their parents constant struggle, never wanting to lend a hand, just demanding what they think is their due and that scares me to no end. Because I know I would’ve never had the education I did if we had that attitude.

On a different note I am petrified of applying for jobs. I never have and I don’t know how to. I also know that I don’t want to. I have this feeling that working as a drone is not something I will ever be satisfied doing for more that 6 months as that is where the novelty and the challenge becomes monotonous and boring. I would love to be financially secure just so I could always help my parents out. Just knowing that I would have the ability to would make me feel like I have finally become what they wanted me to be. So I could do for them what they have done for me.

One thing I know I will one day have and be awesome at will be my bistro. I know, Inshallah, one day Allah mian will make that happen. I will have my very own salamander grill and awesomely accurate electric ovens and a chef and waiters who act and dress and speak like they should and not be appallingly pally and unprofessional. Just because its Karachi doesn’t mean you should be able to get way with it. Plus they grate on my nerves! And we will serve pancakes and eggs and waffles and crepes in strawberry sauce all day long. Just because you wake up at 12 doesn’t mean you can’t have pancakes as a result!! Inshallah one day 🙂 I know I won’t mind having to be up at 6 or 8 or whenever it is that the suppliers will bring the fresh produce around. And anyone who knows me will scoff and say bloody impossible, well since its mine I will do everything and I will love it, since I will be the snarky boss 😛

One day…



Filed under dad, desiism, dreams, life lessons, marriage, mum, Pakistan, rambles, say a prayer for me


Why is it that everyday meat tastes like everyday meat but the meat from the goats slaughtered at Eid ul Adha tastes very, very different?? Almost to the point of it-tastes-gross different?

I considered adrenaline rushes and other hormone triggers (yes I have been watching House, how did you guess??) but then the every day goats have them too! Does anyone know?

Also, Eid Mubarak people!


Filed under food, idiocy

I hate titles (Confusion galore)

I really do! I can never think what mine should be. And somebody should make keyboards light up when needed; would make typing in the dark that much more convenient, and if somebody already has please tell me.

Right now I’m indulging in my favorite winter past time, sitting out in the balcony in the dead of night. And since ours is more of a tiny, tiny strip of outside space, I’m simultaneously thanking God for our wonderful maid who mops it so that I can sit out on the floor when ever I want, as there is no space for chairs and even if there was I wouldn’t be dragging one out anyway. Seriously, too much work!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole blogging thing. It isn’t as if I’ve lost all reason/ desire to write, which is really all I really want to do here. I think I’ve grown past writting for comments, not to say I dont like them but I’d really just like to write for myself, more a catalogue of all the craziness and less a cry for attention. But catalogues require honesty, more blunt and rude then polite and considerate in my experience and a whole lot of whining about unnecessary and inconsequential things in hindsight which really weren’t so when they were being written about. In either case, the blog is too very public to allow me that freedom. Saying I don’t care about the consequences would be idiotic because I do. I’m about to start this whole new life, one in which I would have to be that much more grown up and mature, even if i’m pretending most of the time. I don’t want to whine about anything and everything only to have it quoted back to me.  I’m not saying that it will happen but I feel as if there is a good chance of that. We’re all human at the end of the day. Plus I never really liked the whole ‘bitching about every person I ever came across’ deal, even if that is what I feel like doing, it doesn’t accomplish anything, except allowing you to vent. So then what do i do, do i throw caution to the winds and just let it all out, unleash the bridezilla that’s been lurking somewhere under the surface these days or not write about any of that stuff which basically means I’m out of writing material i.e. good bye dear blog or do I write about other stuff?

Maybe i need a project, if I do decide to write about the other stuff, but doesn’tt life always interfere and make its presence known? To think this was all brought forward becasue of a movie. I just finished seeing Julie and Julia and seriously if you like the idea of food, watch it. Made me yearn for my school kitchen. That place has ruined me for life, I can’t do with amatuerish cooking equipment anymore and as far as I can tell I will never be able to have the things I had there. But then I do have a Kenwood Chef, so maybe I’m wrong! It would be beyond hilarious if Gul Plaza and Bohri bazaar turn out to the haven this poor, wanna be chef desires. Sort of like the poor woman’s Jashanmal, my visit to which made me want to max out my father’s credit card.  Or maybe I’ll buy all my stuff the old fashioned way; save up, take a deep breath and shell out for the Le Creuset pans, one by one. Maybe I will have a Peugeot pepper mill one day, a beautiful, shiny, red one. Till then I guess I’ll have to do with what I have. And even if I do get all of that stuff, who will eat what I cook with it? There may be things which I’ll eventually be able to convince A to do, eating salad greens tossed in olive oil, salt and pepper and topped with this awesome black pepper crusted, seared tuna steak is most definitely not one of them. Why have I become so very gora in my food choices?

So coming back to the point, should I risk all and write, should I quit while I’m ahead or should I attempt writing a diary, which is something I am positive I’m not capable of doing since hitting publish makes me habby 🙂



Filed under idiocy, marriage, me

For Specs

The ring

And this is what I wore, its a sari



Filed under girly stuff, marriage, Pakistan, The 'A' chronicles

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Filed under idiocy, protected, rambles, The 'A' chronicles

Update on life

For some reason my impulse to blog has died completely!  I tried to convert this place into a chronicle of sorts; lists of times and places and events but that didn’t work either so maybe I’m going to treat it as what it’s supposed to be which is a blog 🙂

The engagement was on the 1st of August in Karachi. It was a surreal trip for so many reasons! Karachi wasn’t so scary after the first day which was very, very good. We were out alot on our own which might be why I had such a good time. The absence of food poisoning was also very welcome.

All in all I came back with a big, shiny ring on my finger which was so strange the first couple of days but now its just pretty and mine 🙂

I quit work before I left so my days are much nicer than they have been for such a long time. I have almost no social life as compared to what i had a few months ago but i think I’m equally happy youtubing old Pakistani dramas and chatting with the boy. I do miss my girls alot and hopefully ill be able to drive up and see all of them every few weeks atleast.  It’s funny how a distance which was routine for me seems so very far away now…

I was going through my archives today and all of those lists i made seem so very silly now, i think to come up with a more realistic one now. God knows what random bits and bobs that will have!

Second day of tuitions tomorrow, I teach little kids now… how that has come about is so very odd. Life…


Filed under general, life, The 'A' chronicles

Because I do strange things

I wish there was a reason, sadly there isn’t. Take for instance my make up addiction which it is undoubtedlyout of control. Now if only I was buying stuff compulsively rather than just read about it! But I figure even though the latter is easier on my pocket and bad for my eyes I’ve already done all the damage i could do to my peepers! (see that! peepers!! a make up blog term!!) On average I read 8 make up and fashion blogs daily. Is that a bit much?

Another odd thing I like to do is to convince myself that I will get to something in a few minutes. Like I will wake up after 5 minutes when I know if I close my eyes I will snooze for the next hour. And I do and then I wake up and its 9 am!

Or I’ll come back home from my other home, change into my pjs and get into bed all the while telling myself that I will get up in five minutes, take my lenses off and wash off the mascara but what do I end up doing? Snuggle into the  depths of the best comforter in the world till I’m unconscious (I dont do sleep, I do awake and unconscious!) Last night after a repeat telecast of the same I woke up while it was still dark and in the light from the tv, which was obviously still switched on, I read the time as 12 am. So proud was I that I had woken up after 15 minutes that I went and took my lenses out, washed my face put on my glasses and headed straight to check my email because somebody could have emailed me in the past 15 minutes! I see the computer clock while  gmail loads and what time is it? 4 AM. That is what time it is! No wonder I felt rested!! Since I had no new mail (as no body loves me) and the programme I wanted to watch at midnight was playing at 4 too I watched my half hour of silly bollywood style romance before going to sleep again.

Does this count as an update? Recently everytime I’ve thought about updating I couldnt figure out what would count as an update. So I convinced myself I had forgotten how to blog but apparently not as I’m still capable to typing out 415 words of drivel. Yes you just read four hundred and fifteen words of utter nonsense! Thank you though! 🙂


Filed under idiocy, sarcasm